It’s been a long journey to get to today. I sold All We Left Behind nineteen months ago. I finished the first draft three years ago. I started the novel four and a half years ago. I wrote whole other novels and screenplays with my protagonist Marion before drafting All We Left Behind, trying to figure out how to tell her story honestly. I’ve been writing with Marion for over 10 years. I can’t believe we’re finally here.

Today I have a published novel out in the world!

Wow. Just, wow.

They say writing is a marathon. It definitely is. It’s taken patience, persistence, love, play, an iron will, and hundreds of thousands of words to get to today. I could have given up years ago. I thought about it. Two MFA’s, an ocean of unpublished words, a mountain of revised projects, countless hours, then more countless hours … I definitely thought about it. At least, I thought about giving up on getting published. I thought about giving up on trying to make writing a career. I never thought about giving up on writing. I love writing. I can’t stop writing.

The career part … that’s always going to be an uphill battle. But the writing part is a glorious love affair. I think the exciting thing about today, the bit that makes All We Left Behind’s release so lovely, is I finally get to share. What I’ve written is finally out there in the world for other people to read – love it or hate it. In this scary and wonderful way the book no longer belongs to me. It belongs to the world.

Amanda Palmer wrote in The Art of Asking, that “all of us come from some place of wanting to be seen, understood, accepted, connected. Every single one of us wants to be believed.” I think that’s why writing is so personal. We want to share. We have stories in us that we want to be heard, read, understood, and connected with. We want to know we aren’t alone. And the business of books is brutal. The business is full of rejections, and closed doors, and small victories, and not making enough money, and wishing your books were more popular … it’s about a hundred hoops you have to jump through in order to share. It’s rejection after rejection telling you what you have to say isn’t good enough. I think it’s these hoops that people are talking about when they say they hate writing. They hate the pressure and the fear. I hate the pressure and the fear.

But I love writing. I LOVE writing.

And today my small little book gets released into a sea of other books; a sea of movies, and internet chatter, and noise. But it’s available. It exists. It’s out there on the shelves for those who want to find it. Kurt and Marion’s story is finally ready for those who want to listen, and connect, and be brave.

All We Left Behind has been a hard book to write. It deals with relationships in the aftermath of sexual abuse. It deals with the loss of a family member and the guilt of not being able to help those lost to drugs and alcohol. It’s about the desperate need to connect when we’re surrounded by people and yet we feel so damn alone. But this is what I love about books. They’re a safe place to be vulnerable. They’re a place where you can get inside the skin of a stranger and listen. “When artists work well, they connect people to themselves, and they stitch people to one another through this shared experience of discovering a connection that wasn’t visible before.” More Amanda Palmer quoted there … read her book too, it’s wonderful.

I’m not naive enough to think this book will be enjoyed by everyone. In fact, I’m pretty sure it will polarize readers. Love it or hate it … the book belongs to the world now, and I did the very best I could writing it. I was honest to the story Kurt and Marion wanted to share. If you end up hating this book, please don’t stop reading. Please find another author whom you love. Because books are magic, and you need to find the authors who make it magical for you. If you adore this book, please share it with someone else you think will enjoy it. Talk to your friends about the subjects it brings up. Talk to me about it. Share. That’s what we’re here to do. Share. And then connect. Cause that’s why we share in the first place.

Marion and Kurt’s story is about two teenagers who are afraid to share, afraid to connect. They live inside walls of silence and hide from the past. They live inside walls of shame. Brene Brown wrote in Daring Greatly that “shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” And this is the trap Marion and Kurt have built for themselves, it is the silence that imprisons them. But Brown goes on to say that “if we cultivate enough awareness about shame to name it and speak to it, we’ve basically cut it off at the knees. Shame hates having words wrapped around it. If we speak shame, it begins to wither. Just the way exposure to light was deadly for the gremlins, language and story bring light to shame and destroy it.”

All We Left Behind is about finding that light. It’s a difficult book, I’m not going to lie to you. It’s about facing the shame. It’s about speaking it. Sharing it.

Thanks for following this blog — and if you think it’s a good fit for you — thanks for picking up my debut novel.

All We Left Behind can be found on the shelves of Barnes & Noble, Walmart, or your local independent bookstore. Or you can buy it online here:

• IndieBound
• Amazon
• Barnes & Noble
• Book Depository